


Finally, Succumbing

by Sonny



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-30
Updated: 2009-04-30
Packaged: 2017-10-14 21:44:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/153776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Continuation of Silently, Breaking ; Brian and Michael come to somewhat of a reconciliation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finally, Succumbing

**Author's Note:**

> This is a redux response to the WORD : GAME for the word - expected...

 

They had been back at the apartment for the last fifteen minutes. Michael tending to Brian, putting him on the couch, turning on the TV and making sure he was comfortable. 

Brian didn't think this was weird. What he did think was interesting was how often Michael _touched_ him. How many times those lips brushed over skin, skimming through his hair or how tightly he was one-arm hugged, as well. Anyone looking at them, while they had been out, would've said they were a couple. Brian never overdid public displays of affection. He would keet them to a minimum, as usual, except he made sure the men staring knew Michael was already taken. Not that he was "property", but that he wasn't available. Not even for an one night stand or an affair. 

Strange to see the wandering eye syndrome in effect at the free clinic. 

Brian softly chuckled, turning his head as he could still hear the water flowing from Michael's shower. Before he had taken a seat on the couch, he slipped off his shoes. Since his suit shirt had been covered in cold cream, Brian had opted to change into something of Michael's. Not anything from the bedroom floor, of course. He had put on a long-sleeved V-neck pullover Henley. Michael probably would've worn a t-shirt underneath, but Brian chose to cope with his bare chest being that exposed. He looked down as he crossed his legs-- _Indian style_ \--on the cushions. Peeling back the material of the shirt, to look farther underneath, he noticed he would need to shave his chest soon. He didn't bother glancing at his watch or clock. Brian stared at the TV screen numbly. His mind was more interested in rewinding the last three hours. Right from the minute he and Michael figured out his skin had _actually_ been punctured by the needle, even though there was no blood seepage... 

**~ &~&~&~&~&~**

_Brian had been seated on the closed toilet lid; Michael having sat crossways on his lap. Brian had leaned back, flush with the corner of the wall where the toilet was at; Michael had tried to get more comfortable, so he could relax with Brian and savor this moment of holding him close. With some strength and gusto, Brian had hefted Michael's light weight to get him to face him. Michael was the one who had stood, briefly, to then had straddled the hard, muscular thighs._

_Brian had raised his head, keeping his face in Michael's collar and neck. His eyes had been opening and closing, because Michael's hand had begun to massage his shoulders, moving up the sides of his neck into the bottom of his hair. Eventually, the fingers had been buried in the strands, sifting through over the scalp. Brian had exhaled a groan of such ache, not knowing where it came from. He had tilted his head back, chin having lifted and his lids at half mast._

_Hazel eyes had stared into unblinking, unflinching brown ones. There was a determination there never having been shown before._

_Brian had kept his hands and arms resting on Michael's spread upper thighs. Not that he had been afraid of getting cold cream all over him, but he had become fearful of the untamable fire building behind Michael's eyes. The "fire" he had known would one day consume him whole and turn him into-- **what? who?**_

_"..._ _ **hi**_ _..." Brian couldn't believe how much his voice had cracked._

_Michael had broken his concentrated gaze with a smile. "Hey--tell me what you're feeling?"_

_"Why? What for?" Brian hadn't understood why Michael wanted to bring up **that** subject._

_"Did your whole life flash before your eyes?" Michael's eyes had twinkled with a tease. "Was **I** anywhere in it?"_

_Brian had been a bit dumbstruck. So Michael **hadn't** been about to ask __him to confess **all**? This had been just more of their **normal** banter? Brian had been **safe**? Then why had he felt **let down**? Hadn't Michael **felt** their sexual tension? Had he **ever** felt it?_

_Because of Brian's non-answer, Michael had pretended as if he never asked at all. "You know--with Vic--the fear was there, laying beneath my love for him. I saw **past** it." He had snickered at his own stupidity, at times. "They often had to remind me to wear my latex gloves. Ma didn't touch Vic for awhile. Strange, now that I think about it. At first, I think she was upset he had contracted the virus, since she knew she drilled in the safe sex monologue a thousand times."_

_Brian had lifted his lids to fully view Michael. At times, Michael's babbling could be annoying, but it had been a pleasant distraction. It had filled the silence with chatter. Brian always had discovered an awful lot of oddball things when one rambled. His parents had revealed quite a lot to him drunk--sometimes he would have whole conversations with them. The next day, though, Brian would have to defend himself for being called a flat-out liar. With Michael, he had been sober--mismatched in his memories, but a truly enjoyable storyteller._

_Brian couldn't believe he had simply allowed the moment to slip on by. Michael in **barely** anything--semi-erect and seated astride him. It had begun like the countless porn plots they had watched for years. What had been __**his**_ _problem? Why **wasn't** Brian--?_

_... and then the reason had hit him like a ton of bricks..._

**I won't touch him, until I know it's me... that it's me he wants... that he loves me solely--only... that he wants me in his bed, in his life. It used to be me. It could've been me all this time. I was sure once before, now I'm not...**

_Michael had been conversing by his lonesome. "--with Ben, I could understand everyone's worry. Why everyone was, at first, scared for me. Hell--I nearly didn't--" He had sighed, almost out breath from rambling. He  had known what he was intentionally doing--prodding Brian too much with all this nonsense. What did_ _ **he**_ _want--other than a heartfelt confession? "--well, you know. But it didn't stop me from wondering. Condoms aren't foolproof. What if-- **what if** it broke? I suppose I felt a little risqué each time--the fear of that __**one**_ _time--the ultimate mistake that could cost me my li--" Michael hadn't been able to finish that word as Brian silenced him with a kiss. Well, not a **simple** kiss... but **one of deep need and want** , **of suppression of passion and an unconditional love/hate struggle for the man being kissed**._

_Once Michael had begun to feel the forcefulness, he **had known** \-- **Brian had been as confused and curious as he had been**. Tentatively, he had brought his hands up to frame the sides of Brian's face. He hadn't been prepared for Brian to pull away, so he had leaned weakly against Brian's forehead. "So--I __**did**_ _flash through your mind."_

_Brian had chuckled awkwardly along with Michael. "--you're **never out** of it." Could he really tell Michael he had been the __**only**_ _thought?_

_"I never--I've never not wondered, you know. I know you'd keep your distance, because you'd be upset with me for bringing HIV so close to me, but--I can't help but think you'd drop **everything** to be the one to take care of me." Michael had started to shake his head. "--you'd do **whatever** you could to find a cure for me--the one that would save me from dying."_

_"--I would do it, because I know you'd do the same for me."_

_"You have_ _ **that**_ _much faith in me?"_

_"It's impossible to ever doubt you. I'm shocked you think so highly of me and it worries me that you're even--" Brian hadn't been able to help it--he dipped in and snuck a few short kisses. "I'd do the world a favor by saving you. The **bonus** would be, I'd have more time with you."_

_"That's **important** to you? **Time with me**?"_

_"Yes... very much so."_

_"I feel the same with you, except--I'd be selfish." Michael had caressed a finger along Brian's face. "I'd lock you up--keep you all myself."_

_"... **you would**?"_

_"Yes. I would." Michael had stared intensely into Brian's face. "No lie."_

_"Michael..."_

_"What?"_

_"While I'd love nothing better than to stay in this position, my back is starting to ache."_

_"We could go into my bedroom--get a bit more comfortable."_

_"--uh huh, yeah... let's--" Without a second thought--and the tightest hold on Michael--Brian walked them out of the bathroom._

_Michael had locked his legs around Brian's waist, little giggles escaping. He had started to pat Brian on the back. " **Put me down! Put me down!** "_

_Brian had obeyed diligently, bending slightly, so Michael could place his feet flat on the floor. They had left one another standing there, chests expanding and quick breathes expelling. With one tug of Brian's trouser belt, Michael had started to drag him to the couch. Relaxing backward, Michael had worked on the belt and trying to get Brian out of his slacks, while Brian had taken off his tie and button-down shirt. Brian had kicked out of his pant legs then had advanced on Michael. Their chests had bumped, Michael having sat down on the arm of the couch, legs hitching up to spread open. Brian had hooked his hands around the outside of Michael's thighs and had pushed forward, snagging kiss after kiss. Michael could now feel Brian's apparent hardness and the snesation had spurned him on to want more._

_Neither man had known where this moment had surfaced from, they simply had wanted to get the moment started._

_Michael could feel himself falling, nearly toppling over onto the pillows and couch cushions. He had begun to push Brian backward, muttering,_ _ **"--no, no... bed--bed."**_ _Michael hadn't wanted their first time to be just anywhere._

_"... okay... okay..." Brian had hoped he would have enough strength to walk the steps to the bed. He had fucked on couches before, in various positions. But with Michael?--their first time on the bed? Priceless._

_They had sprinted to the closed double stained-glass doors. Brian had forced Michael to stand back--one arm had wrapped around Michael's waist and his head bent to sneak a kiss on the mouth, then trailed down the neck. Brian had reached down with his free hand to open the single paneling on the right--_

_\--and instantly they both had stopped in their tracks as a rush of **chilled** air pelted their half naked bodies..._

_**"Holy Christ!!"**_

_**"Jesus Christ!!"**_

_They had stepped back together, Brian having shut the door again as if to ward off flames of **freezing cold** , not **sweltering heat**._

_" **Fuck!** " Brian had placed his hands on his hips._

_Michael had stood still, shivering slightly. " **Shit!** It's like a freaking refrigerator in there." He had pinched his lips to keep from busting out with laughter. He had taken a sidelong peek at Brian, who had begun to scowl and had been-- **obviously** \--still hard, like him._

_**God** \--this was pathetic, but typical._

_" **Fuck!** " Brian could almost stomp his foot, like a brat. Instead, he had run a hand over his hair, fingers combing back strands. He had been pissed, but-- **if he had thought about it and who he had been with** \--he found it laughable. His smirk had started as he turned his head. " **Don't!** " He couldn't look at Michael for long or they would both be laughing hysterically._

_"I see **this** \--as a **sign**."_

_"Are we just_ _ **not**_ _doing this right? I mean--we're standing here... naked--in only underwear. And there's a couch, another bed, the floor, a few chairs, tables and counters, the wall--we could be well-past foreplay and on to fucking, but-- **noooooo**."_

_Michael couldn't help it, he had started to snicker, which had forced Brian to stutter out a laugh as he had rubbed over his face, pacing a short distance away._

_"We simply wanna do this right." Michael had wiped at the corners of his eyes. "Where we-- **you and I** \--fuck has always been, like, sacred. My bed, your bed. It _ _**has** _ _to be a bed."_

_**"... the first time."**_

_**"... the first time."**_

_Now they had shared in genuine laughter, like usual. Brian had gone flush and that adorably bashful smile spread out over his lips, trying to be covered by his fingers. They had crossed the floor to each other, embracing. Not tight enough to squeeze, but enough to hold strong and sway._

_Michael had locked one hand around the other wrist, laying his cheek on Brian's chest. "We should get you checked out, Brian."_

_Brian had kept his chin on top of Michael's head, but then had turned slightly to rest his cheek on the short inky-black locks. "Yeah... we should. Just give me a few minutes. I'm not done yet."_

_Michael knew what Brian meant. He **always** did._

_**~ &~&~&~&~**_

Brian almost didn't hear the front door open and shut. He just heard the background noise of the TV, then a familiar voice-- _Emmett_. He was unusually chipper to see Brian, so he must have a date and wasn't staying in. Emmett was a little too easy to read sometimes. 

"Huh?" 

"Where's Michael?" 

"Shower." 

"Oh..." Emmett's gaze narrowed on Brian's face. "You _okay_?" 

"Yeah. _Why_?" 

"You need to bake, sweetie. You look pale and washed out." 

"Thanks." 

"Though you do look good in that top. Going casual at work now?" 

"No. It's Michael's." 

"Really? _Hmm_..." Emmett could think of a dozen questions to ask, but he really could care less now. "Okay, then. If I'm gone before Michael gets out, tell him I'll won't back later tonight." 

"A sleep-over date?" 

"I wish, but--Torso's is sending me and my manager to Las Vegas." 

Brian raised both eyebrows. "How long?" 

"Two days." 

"Need help packing?" Brian was already getting off the couch, following Emmett into his bedroom. 

"Are you sure you're doing okay?" 

"Yes." 

"--'cuz the Brian Kinney I know doesn't offer to help me to do anything." 

"Maybe I've been wrong about you, like I've been wrong about a lot of things lately." 

Emmett couldn't stand it any longer. He pointed toward the chair at his vanity mirror. "Sit." 

"But I--" Brian was too exhausted from the last few hours to refuse. 

"You can keep me company while you watch me pack. Good enough?" 

Brian groaned as he took the fragile-looking chair. "Do you have _enough_ money?" 

"Brian... _Christ_... you're acting like you'll never see me again." Emmett could tell there was _something strange going on_ , probably happened right before he came home. "Or--like you had a bit of a scare." 

"I don't want to spoil your trip." 

"Is it good and juicy?" Emmett was almost rubbing his palms together with eager anticipation. 

"What?" 

"The _good gossip_ you have to share." 

"It's not _gossip_." 

"Well then... what's the point?" 

"The point, Emmett is... that I love Michael and I've come to realize that I _can't_ live without him one more second." 

"Well..." Emmett had to sit down on the trunk at the end of his bed, hand on his chest, directly over his heart. "-- _ **that**_ wasn't what I **expected**." 

**The End**


End file.
